Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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