UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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