I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
