Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
