i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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