Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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