During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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