Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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