I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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