we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So vagazzling was a success
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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