life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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