Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
