This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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