I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
