Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
