I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
