i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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