So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
