yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
