There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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