community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
