i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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