I looked at my own cervix.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
