I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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