i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you inspire me to be a worse person
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
