I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
