actually, I'm a sock model
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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