So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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