Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
