how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
