Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.