The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.