This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?