Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are all done wearing pants today
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
