She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
