is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.