I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.