Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
