my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
