i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
