Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
