I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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