I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
