Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
