He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
