and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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