Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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