if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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