You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
