She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
