I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
