My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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