Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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