mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i out mim tonsoeep
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