It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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