Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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