bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
