He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
