My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
