when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
