when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
