So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
