I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
did i just pee glitter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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