do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
