when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
