he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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