I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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