So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
