Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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