having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
