I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
