if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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