Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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