i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
