he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
