Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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