i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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