I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
