We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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