we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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