I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
