we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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