I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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