He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
