i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
